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Local cat insists he's a god

Posted by Trisha T. on

Baltimore, MD-

Baltimore's Stan Lee is currently insisting that he's a god, despite all evidence indicating that he is, in fact, a cat rather than a god, albeit a very handsome cat. When interviewed for this article, he claimed that because the ancient Egyptians worshipped cats as gods, that means he is most definitely a god. He also pointed out the fact that he likes laying on books his favorite humans are attempting to read and absorbing the text, sitting on his favorite humans' laptops and keyboards while they're using them, and using his favorite humans as warm-blooded furniture and asserted that also means he's a god.

When asked what he thought we should do to improve the country, Stan Lee said he thought we should make the United States a monarchy with him as the monarch, so people would bow down and worship him. As monarch, he would allow in non-violent immigrants as long as they give him head scratches and catnip treats, introduce country-wide vaccine mandates so people would be better protected against the coronavirus and could travel better to visit him and see him in all his glory, and make sure every house had a cat of their own to worship.

His most interesting statement, however, was that people should order off the Carpe Librum Bookstore and Art Gallery website. "I think people should buy The Quelling by Barbara Barrow, Walking Through Fire by Sherri Cook Woosley, Elegy for the Undead by Matthew Vesely, and No More Goddesses by Kim Baccellia off the bookstore website," he meowed. "I liked them because they're excellent books. I especially liked No More Goddesses and Walking Through Fire because there are ancient gods and goddesses in them, and I like reading about my peers, and The Quelling because the main characters are beautiful and clever, just like me. I swear, the two sisters who are the main characters in The Quelling are cats."

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